I'm so glad you're here.
I am Pamela... passionate, truth teller, unleashed!
I've always had an extra dose of passion. I LOVE so many things and get excited very easily... I'm passionate about people, especially the marginalized, misunderstood and neglected. The invisible people. I love God and all of his creation (albeit ants and spiders...not so much). I love making art, serving others, worshiping with abandon, singing and dancing, and SO much more.
In this era of "alternative truth" I am finding my true voice. God's voice. His guiding Spirit that abides in me. Over the last many years He's been unraveling my life and sorting the wheat from the chaff. It's been painful. To see that so much of the foundation on which I propped myself up to appear to be "fabulous" was simply a lie. Or more accurately a pack of lies.
Like many I've been plagued by the voices of my past reminding me of the shame. Though I am relatively new to blogging I've been keeping journals for the last 4 decades. In the last 15 years, as I've poured out my heart to God in the pages of my journal, He's been saying, "write your story", "tell your story". It's not a narrative I'm proud of but I know it's one He wants to use.
My story began in a house of lies. The family we showed to the outside world was not the one I lived with. As a child I was well practiced at hiding in plain sight. I learned to fade into the wall paper to avoid the wrath of Mom. I became an observer, learning what things would set her off and learning to avoid those situations...deflect, distract, diminish. I developed strategies as a child before I even knew what a strategy was. I became a strong performer and a dependable people-pleaser and care-giver. Those parts of my whole protected me and helped me survive as a child but there came a time when those strategies no longer served me.
As a child I believed in the Cinderella story and I searched long and hard for Prince Charming. Before I was 25 I'd been married and divorced three times. It wasn't until seven years later when I was on the brink of a fourth divorce that I realized what I'd been doing.
I'd been hiding.
It was a subconsciously controlled camouflage that enabled me to 'become' whatever I needed to be in order to secure the deal...get the proposal. Once married, after six months or so I would start to slither out of my protective layer. Like a snake in moulting season I would emerge. The REAL me. Or at least more of me. And I was rejected. Routinely. I guess it makes sense; without realizing it I was pulling a sort of bait and switch operation...
I didn't have a base of confidence or any real belief that I was simply good enough. I always had to be better. I fought hard through life falling victim to financial ruin including bankruptcy, federal tax liens and nine pages of ugly credit. I suffered the deep heartache of fractured relationships and the debilitation of failing health. But that was THEN.
After spending my first 25 years doing life my way and failing miserably, I reluctantly asked Jesus to save me. Our relationship has taken decades to develop from one of cynical skepticism to cautious optimism and finally sold-out-grateful believer.
Not long ago, as I was talking with God while driving up to see some of my favorite healers, Andrew and Naomi Downey, I had a revelation. I was thinking about the significant ways that God has spoken to me through the healing touch of Andrew and Naomi (see Chapter 16 in Shattered Lies). Here in northern California it had been raining for DAYS yet on this day the rain had been replaced with magnificent clouds against a bright blue sky with beams of sunlight piercing through.
I was thinking about this BLOG and my new website, asking God, "Who Am I?" "Who do You want me to show the world?"
Suddenly that piercing beam of sunlight spoke directly to me heart: "You are MINE. You are LOVED. You are FREE of your past. The future is WIDE OPEN! You can be whoever you want to be."
The tears started flowing and I gasped big sobs while drying my eyes to see where I was driving. It felt like I'd been wearing every piece of clothing I've ever owned...layer on top of layer; the weight nearly unbearable. And now God was saying, "Let it go. Come out from under that weight. You are free. UNLEASHED."
I arrived at Graceful Health and was able to share with my beloved practitioners the new truth I found on my way to see them. Together we celebrated all that we've been through. It's just one example of how God has interwoven my life with those around me. I am so blessed.
How about you? Are you carrying a heavy burden? Is it time to lighten the load? I'd love to hear your story.
Please come back often. We are better together.